LD Challenge

Last night, I faced an interesting challenge. I fell asleep at 1800 local time, which put me awake at 0200. As I have a road trip this evening after work, I decided to take a little nap to preserve my sleep schedule. I couldn't fall asleep till after 5, which I had forgotten is a hotspot in dreamtime for myself (I learned this by keeping a log of my sleep times in Excel and noting when I had awoken in the middle of a dream).

Many of you have seen the movie "Waking Life". Well, I had my own WL experience last night. The very first thing I learned to do in dreaming was wake myself up. Each time I awoke was a false awakening. Do you know how lizards have two sets of eyelids? When I rubbed my eyes open, I had this quick sensation of reality that slid back shortly after my eyelids, like a second lid, and I was left in what I knew was dreamspace. After a several tries at this, I got a little panicked and thought I might be dead or dying. I'd left my air conditioner on full blast (instead of turning it down to half overnight as I usually do) so somehow I got the idea I might be freezing to death. I started rubbing my arms and legs in the dream, hoping I would override the somatic supression system that keeps us immobile in sleep. I could feel some feeling returning to my legs, but not enough. I couldn't pinch myself awake. I even called out for a guide to lead me to the spirit world, but no one came. So, figuring I might be dead and this was it, I decided to explore, in full lucid mode.

I should step back for a minute and say that I have often entertained the idea (as stated in Waking Life) that the last few minutes of brain life might be like an eternity of dream consciousness. Heaven or Hell is simply whether you have, by that time, learned to control your dream surroundings or whether they control you (basically a perpetual ld or a perpetual nightmare). You make your own fate. But the idea of being dead with no help, no guide, no intelligent discourse as in the movie, was psychologically shattering. In short, it made me feel sad.

Once I realized I was not interfacing with reality any more, I started to tear things up. I went running around my building in boxer shorts, then I started flying around like Superman. I punched holes in buildings, flipped cars, and basically got really angry. I found my family and tried to get messages to them (by talking to their dream counterparts and instructing them to "remember this, no matter how silly it sounds") to call me or to come to my apartment in case there was time to save me. When they didn't believe me, I pulled out all the stops. I told them that this was a dream, and I could prove it by forcing them to do whatever I wanted. I don't think I've ever used direct mind control in an ld; I like to leave people's minds (real or imaginary) their own. But even that couldn't bring me out of my dreamstate. What did work, I think, was the building frustration I felt. All of a sudden, I felt a crack like ice and as I opened my eyes, the lizard eyelid stayed in place. I was really awake. The days I had spent in my LD? Less than half an hour. I spoke aloud to no one in particular, "Yes, I did it!" but in retrospect, I'm not so sure I did anything. But my dream did something. It made me contemplate in a very real fashion my mortality and that my life is only mine to rent, not to own.